expression of thoughts: October 2004

Saturday, October 23, 2004

it's tornado

ok,this is going to be a complain-right-into-our-face entry. goodness! today was an ultimate tornado!! even worse than the P6-S1 Reg! so may parents..the queue just get longer and longer...limited staff versus almost-unlimited parents...thought i can go home at 5pm today to get a good rest and maybe a swim..but but...i left at 8.15pm with PC! worked like 12hrs today...as PC was saying, 'you worked from darkness to darkness.' in a sense as in from 8am (reached office today at 7.30am ) to 8pm+...

was quite exhausted today,legs wobbly after standing for like so long but thank goodness i took 2 hrs off to do update my memos and emails in the office.i get more exasperated as my memos pile up coz it is a sign that i will not be able to end at 5pm.majority are parents making payments and chasing us after 2005's schedules..not going to elaborate...

i hope next Sat will not be like today.oh,one of my colleagues handed in her resignation letter....leaving on 27th Nov! so sad..another one of my closer colleagues leaving....this time due to her husband who's to be outstationed in the States for 2 years..so have to go with him loh..the news hardly sank in coz i was still shocked.i mean it's like one after another...going to miss her very much coz she's THE colleague whom clubs with me...i call her 'happening one'..i am 'happening two' ! haha. reminded her to give me her address so that she can help me buy COACH products (which is cheaper in the US)..hehe..of coz,that's not the main pt..just that i am going to miss her lots loh...

*listening to: 'My Place' by Nelly feat. Jaheim

Thursday, October 14, 2004

one of those nights again

depression
tears
empty
cold
more tears
alone
a million pieces
S.E.N.S
lost
unloved
abandoned
more more tears

*listening to: 'Aphrodite' by S.E.N.S

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

what makes me happy

God's love
hugs
genuine smiles
real friends
health
music
musicals
a Birkin!
Coach
zara
topshop
bags
accessories
O Magazine
coffee club
$ 1 'ah pek' ice creams
money
solitude
animated movies
tidiness
nature
knowing that i have made someone happy even at a high cost
peace
being appreciated, not taken for granted
people who takes initiatives
losing weight
eating right

*above items not ranked in order, just throwing them randomly

*listening to: my own breathing

Sunday, October 10, 2004

what a year it had been....so far

2004-a really eventful year (the good,bad and ugly)
last semester in NUS
took part in my last SPH Geography Challenge
a challenge it has been
learnt some truths that left me astounded
do not be deceived by appearances
friendships strengthened, while some took a downturn
had one of the most difficult term papers
but His grace saw me thru!
a death that left me wounded
not for very long, His love saw us through
a prayer that went on for 6 years,
answered by God at the right timing,right place.
sunday is and will always be a meeting for both of us
last NUS exams
grades were good ,though by sight, readings were almost half undone
by faith, He never fails to answer prayers
loving someone ain't easy
esp when both lanes are unresponsive
moved house
estrangement = tears,broken relationships,anger,hostility
wanted to run, run and run
to run away from circumstances that cause destruction,loss
had a job!and wonderful colleagues
God answers prayers always!
started blogging, an avenue for expression of my thoughts
3 mths of wonder,tears,agony
it's official - he's someone else's
thank God i pulled it thru with His hand in my life
started clubbing,occasionally
grooving to the music and having fun
learning to watch expenses
miss school very much!
anticipating a break...a well deserved break

*listening to: 'Borrowed Heaven' by The Corrs

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

confessions

Confession - the hardest thing to do
an sms
followed by a 25min phonecall
reveal all
heart thumping
half expecting
the other half wanna run
run away from reality
he said,"i admire your courage"
what the...
was a two way traffic
but did not take the chance
result: 3mths of pain,tears
avoidance
dun wanna see, dun wanna hear
why am i always getting myself into this kind of crap?
felt good after confession
had one of the best rest ever
but, still lost in translation
wandering in a mall
came home,lost in space
dbl o tomorrow
it's party time

*listening to: 'Explosive' by Bond

Monday, October 04, 2004

If You're Not The One

A song that i listen to in the middle of the night. when the wind is blowing gently, when tranquility sets in. Whn there is no one else, but me,myself and I.

"If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why youre so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I dont want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms"

-From 'If You're Not The One' by Daniel Bedingfield

*listening to: The song above.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

pre-marital sex

something that we see ever so often portrayed and celebrated by the mass media even though it is morally wrong. a 'trend' that is so common nowadays that even kids as young as 12 years old are doing it. we are shocked when we read reports of teens having pre-marital sex and then (most of the time) the female partner has to bear the consequences. there are people who feel and think that it is ok because 'everyone is doing it' (hello!! do we know 'everyone'????). there are those who do it because they believe in '100% protection'. there are those who do it just simply for 'the fun of it' or rather to say it crudely 'to feel the orgasms and adrenaline of making love'.

sometimes i really wonder why has making love, sth that is so sacred, sth that is created by God (oh yes, He is the Creator of sex..if not where do you think the descendents of Adam and Eve come from???), is perverted by the devil. for me, i am a strong believer in losing your virginity only when you get married. call me 'traditional', 'conservative' etc etc. i mean i am not against people who have pre-marital sex. if they are my friends, i will still love them and care for them. it's like in this dominantly heterogeneous world, i am not against the homosexuals and bisexuals, but i am not agreeable not homosexuality and bisexuality.

think i have pricked some people who are reading my blog..well..this is what i stand by. Once I asked a friend what is the one thing he is anticipating when he gets married. He replied, 'making love to my wife on the wedding night.' a very frank but sweet answer. Better than, 'oh, calculating how much money i get from angbaos!'. agreeable??

*listening to: 'See The Glory' by Steven Curtis Chapman

Friday, October 01, 2004

israel trip

just found out that the long awaited Israel trip costs a whopping $2700. (10 days, all means provided, inclusive of airfare etc) i have been waiting to go toI srael since last year. it is really my desire to go after hearing so much good things about the trip. Most of all, it is a 'spiritual trip' for me. to walk on the land that Jesus walked, to see for myself the tomb that he was buried (and risen!), to experience the kid of environment that he lived in 2000+ years ago.i prayed for the trip as often as I can and i have been asking God for a financial miracle. By sight, i would say that my current financial ability is not enough for me to go..really...though i am debt-free, but i have just started working..so the money is not really that much yet. But, i refused to walk by sight, but walk by faith! as long I have the faith of a grain of a mustard seed (the smallest seed in the world), mountains will move! faith pleases God.i was telling Him that i do not question how He does it and/or what He does, I am believing in Him for a financial breakthrough! some people might say i am crazy or 'too holy' etc etc. i cannot be bothered! because i myself have experienced His goodness in many areas of my life. some are instanteneous, others take time. but one thing i know for sure is that He hears my prayers!! "Ask and you shall receive'!

both cheryl and I are believing for the financial miracles (and for her, approval from parents).dec 6th is the date that we have set for departure. i am prepared even to go for the trip myself!having cheryl ard will be so much fun! =)

*listening to: 'Worlds Collide: A Fairy Tale' by Plumb

expression of thoughts