it's not who you are, but what you give as first impressions
that was drummed into me so constantly ever since I started working in my present company.....I am a 'facially expressive' person and my body language will give me away, to a certain extent. That is how I am and honestly speaking, it will take a long time for me to change. Today is the last straw, though I did not explode publicly in the office, I was on the VERGE of bursting. Trust me, when I 'explode'..it's like a dormant volcano turned active, perhaps even leading to an earthquake of 9.0+++ Richter scale. I appreciate constructive criticism, but do not come and BS to me if you can't do it the same. I detest it when someone says sth,esp if pointing out what I should or should not do, then on the other hand, you do it yourself...whether consciously or not. It's damn frustrating. Well, welcome to reality.I have been tolerating for the past 2-3 weeks, constantly reminding myself not to 'bring work home'. However, it's very hard esp when each blow comes within such a short time span. I feel like telling her, "I will not try to change myself, God is in control." Honestly, He is in control. I know that He puts me in this workplace for a reason, however, sometimes I just can't comprehend why. At times, I really admire myself for tolerating so much nonsense and having to be 'whacked' left,right and centre. Exuding confidence in what I do is of course, possible! However, to exude confidence in saying things that I myself is not convinced of, that's a tough job. Tougher than taking my NUS exams.
Her words kept ranging in my mind as I sat in the bus on my way home. As I walked through the neighbouring blocks, I broke down and wept. Can't take it anymore. It's like opening up a bottle that had been shaked continuously. I sat down at my favourite spot and cried. Called a good friend of mine and just poured out everything. I had initially wanted to go for drinks at Ink Bar. Changed my mind as I was sneezing away in the office today.
In the event that I am given such nonsensical treatment or 'double standards' or the classic sentence of 'must remember abt perceptions!!', they are going to get it from me. Overt resistance does not mean that I can be taken advantaged of.
listening to: 'Burn' by Usher
posted by Jiatine @ 12:52 AM
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