Many thoughts running through my mind
Here I am, staying at home on a Sunday afternoon and blogging. Usually at this time, I will be in church attending the service. Today, my friend called and said she can't make it as she has to meet her bf for 'urgent matters'. She sounded concerned and worried, that somehow worried me a little as well. Wanted to go for service alone and from there, to proceed for my kickboxing class. My final decision? Stay at home and do my stuff such as doing some 'homework' for my current job.Life has been, well...I do not know how to describe it in words. I guess a mixture of good and bad. Let me start with the good:
- Was blessed by freebies (see previous blog entry)
- Got a new job (though temp) as a conference coordinator
- Learnt to be even more thrifty (read: not miser) with my current income and resources
The bad (or rather the not-so-good) side:
- No perm (now the term shd be 'long term') job which means 'watch your expenses'
- concerned about my on-going battle with weight (which seemed to be increasing...^%&^%$^$)
- the sunny side of me seemed to be mellowed after I resigned
- my skin seems to worsen (I never have so many pimples since 16!)
These days, I prefer to stay home especially during weekends.Maybe I am still living in my previous working schedule when I work on Saturdays. A few of my friends rejoiced at the fact that I can FINALLY meet up on Friday nights and Saturdays. Out of courtesy, I smiled but deep inside, I still prefer to work late on Fridays and Saturdays. Call me a workaholic if you wish.
I do not like crowded places, I get scared when I see crowds in big spaces. So places like Hong Kong will definitely turn me off I'm there for long. I find peace and joy when there are little people in malls or on streets such as weekday mornings.Do not have to queue for trying clothes,payment and washrooms! I often tell my friends that when I enter a shop with little people, I feel as if 'I own it!'.Haha. *can sense 'rolling eyes' from people*
Anyway, I have been pondering about life these past 2 weeks. What do I really want? What do I see myself in 5 years time (sounds familar?)?What will be my income like? Honestly, I do not wish to see myself earning a monthly salary that is equivalent to a fresh grad in 5 years time. To be honest, it's a disgrace to myself. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there as many working adults can identify with. Once, someone even told me that 'to be kind to your enemy is to be cruel to yourself'.That jolted me! Sounds very realistic yah. But if we think about it, it speaks truth to a certain extent.
There've been times when I wondered what will I be doing now if I have taken the 'poly route' instead of taking the 'JC route'. Many years ago (sounds ancient yah,haha), I was offered to do a 'Banking and Finance' dip in Nanyany Poly. I had a mental warfare but finally decided to take the JC-Uni route as it was the 'most practical and safe' route to earning a university degree.I did graduated with a degree but I am not that happy. It's just a basic degree.
People with poly dips seemed to be doing much better now, I can tell coz I have friends who graduated from various polys. A few are even doing their degree programmes now. I am happy for them because they go after their dreams and plan well. If I had taken the poly route back then,maybe..just maybe..I am 'one of them' now.
Sometimes, I can't help but blame myself for 'choosing thr wrong route'. Friends whom I have confided in regarding this will offer encouragement such as 'it's ok, you're still new in the working world, things are like that for new ones' or 'hey! you followed your heart yah...things will be better'.Though I do appreciate their concern, I can't help but sometimes feel that such encouragements are 'prescripted' like some formulas. Yeah, I did follow my heart and did a 'niche major' in university. A major that's so niche that people often associate with teaching.And pls, I do dislike the association! It's not that teaching is bad or degrading.Nono! I do respect that profession because it's a heavy repsonsibility to teach hundred of kids and yet sandwiched between the parents and the school AND AND the ever-changing 'aspiring world-class education system' of ours.However, it's a profession that I am not really interested in. I have many friends in or going to be teachers and I trust that they are the 'new generation' of teachers in Singapore. Just to sidetrack: often I will joke that in future, I will only place my kids (if I am gg to have) in the schools they are teaching.That's a compelling reason why we have to keep in touch!
Maybe I am just feeling crestfallen that I do have not have a long-term job now.Hopefully, things will turn out for the better in the next few months to come.
listening to: 'Alexander the Great' by Bond
posted by Jiatine @ 3:03 PM
4 Comments:
There's no turning back. You chose the route. Your friends might have given you advice - better to do business degree but you opt otherwise.
I am in no position to judge you, I know (if you don't like any comments, do disable the setting in your blog).
But from what I have read, I think you are disappointed with yourself, mainly through friends. That is, you seem to keep comparing yourself with your friends.
Competition makes one to strive for the better. But it can have reverse effects, both on you and your friends.
Do know when to draw the line and limits when doing comparision. Otherwise, you might end up hurting your family and friends. In the end, it's you who suffer all.
Thanks Ms/Mr Anonymous for your opinion.Appreciated you spending time to read my blog and commenting it. Look forward to your comments for my future blogs,thanks
conf coordinator..hey that's a gd job..one of my wants when searchin. hectic lifestyle but interesting.
guess u really hv to think wat u really wanna do as a career..unless u aspire to marry n be a tai tai haa..
btw, u slimmed down last time saw at MacRitchie, even MX says so..then again it's quite some time back :p
thanks cylee for your comment.Yah, I am still searchng on what I really want. This current job is really interesting. No way am I gg to be a 'tai tai'.....*rolls eyes*
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