Not meant to be
Kelly Clarkson's 'Behind these hazel eyes' struck a chord with me. Not that I have hazel eyes (mine is black by the way,=P), the lyrics in the song reflected abt 80% of what I am going through now. I am so puzzled how someone can just TOTALLY ignore you,when we have spent some intimate moments together. Perhaps, I have never been into a relationship before,that's why I feel so broken up..there's always a first for everything. Now it will take me a long time before I take the chance if some guy comes by. The kind of sincerity just became so short-lived. 'I will wait for you, I will.In the weeks and months to come, if I have to start all over again, you will still be my dear no matter what.'BS.Totally BS.That's why I don't believe in marriages at all (even though I shd be).Seen too much,heard too much...and now this...Don't use busy-ness as an excuse...don't...I just can't believe how fast you changed,
the sincerity just disappeared.
Now,it's ignorance and absence,
as if I have never existed.
Seems like yesterday,
you came into my life.
those conversations,
the hugs,
the look of your eyes,
the feel of your hand....
though i said,'just friends'.
you persisted and gave me hope.
then,just when i wanna give a try,
to take a chance for us.
to take the leap of faith and believe in love,
i went through so much thoughts,
was touched by your faith,
you said,'impossible,emotionally drained.'
what happened to the 'wait'?
i felt cheated,given false expectations.
everything crumbled.
you don't see the tears i cried,
falling asleep on tears-soaked pillows.
i can't pretend everything is alright,
coz they ain't.
disintegrated into pieces,
not only you crushed my emotions,
you torn my confidence in relationships
not going to believe you ever again,
no turning back
the only thing i can say for eternity is 'just friends'
i pray that time will heal.
maybe we are not meant to be together.
I trust in Him that my life will go on, much better than before....without you.
* wanna thank my girlfriends (you know who you are) for standing by me,listening to my ramblings,for picking up the calls even if it meant sacrificing your time and most of all for LISTENING to me. I am blessed by your existence. I hold firm to this saying, 'Boys come and go,but girls STAY.' Thanks.
listening to: 'Behind these hazel eyes' by Kelly Clarkson
posted by Jiatine @ 12:43 AM
10 Comments:
U will have better coming your way, in Jesus's name. Amen.
Thanks...but honestly, I do not have confidence in relationships anymore. My stand is: it's perfectly fine to have fun,but to be serious, I will give it a pass.
Just do wat u feel happiest k... in anyways, i'm sure your Abba will look out for u. =D
thanks, i hope so.
My dear gal, as someone in my 30s...you certainly come across as young, fresh, and so frightfully similar to myself when I am just your age....well, actually, similar to any gal of your age. Myself and my galfriends definitely said all the stuff along your line back then. Well guess what - most of us are now happily married with/without kids or in a stable relationship. Love & relatonship takes time, my dear. Take heart and believe in God - there is someone for everyone....when the right time comes along : )
Meanwhile, I will encourage you to continue to wallow in depression because, that's part of growing up : ) Bliss/salvation & sufferings are but one co-existence.
Just remember all the tears u shed...and all these words of encouragement....for when you look back 5-10 years down the road...oh, it's such sweet-bitter memories... : )
thanks for your comments. Well, I certainly hope so. Broken relationships (whether married or not) seem to surround me whereever I go, within and out of my family. It gets really scary coz the 'together forever' is like a fairy tale to me, you know.
Yoz Jia... If it's meant to be, it's meant to be... No point harping on it when its gonna remain just memories. Some answers you'll never find, you'll never know and there's no specific why so. Sometimes, just accept it and let it pass. Thinking of it may bring u pain, so why not think of the happier days? I know how it feels... Trust me (or at least give me the benefit of the slightest belief) coz that's sometimes what I do... *PS. I really cannot remember the pain anymore, just those really happy days -> Syl knows what I'm talking about cos she asked me once before during coffee at Bugis. I hope u do too... Luv u.
oh yeah..the happy moments. Updated news: me and him officially over. Incompatibility. Well, i feel kinda 'light'. Maybe it's a good sign. Do miss him abit though, but well..no pt using self-efforts. I am now an official 'swinging single'! *grins*
luv u babe *huggzzz*
was excited when you told me e little bits n pieces u told me, but i guess u dun deserve someone whos not willing to try? :)
eh i have a question. how come i did not recieve an intrusive phone call at an inappropriate hour?! i demand to know.
Na2
oops...well.didn't wanna pour out my angst and tears to you mah...otherwise, might affect you and ur boy boy.
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